Gaslighting

Have you experienced controlling behaviour that leads you to question yourself, certain events and even your sanity?

You could be the victim of ‘gaslighting’, a form of domestic abuse that can be a criminal act in England.

Our family law experts help victims of gaslighting by identifying patterns of behaviour, highlighting your options to resolve the situation and putting a roadmap in place to safeguard your physical and mental wellbeing.

Rated by clients as ‘Excellent’, we are true specialists that practice solely in the complex field of law.

The team is regularly recognised in Legal 500 and Chambers and Partners for their strong track record supporting individuals through complex divorce cases, including those involving controlling and coercive behaviour.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting involves someone manipulating another person into questioning their thoughts, their memories and the events that happen around them.

It is classified as domestic abuse, more specifically as emotional or psychological abuse. It is a type of controlling behaviour similar to coercive control.

By causing another person to question their perception of reality, gaslighting can lead to depression, anxiety and other serious long-term mental health issues.

Why do people gaslight their partners in relationships?

Gaslighters typically do so as a means of gaining control and power. It is a narcissistic power play, often aimed at breaking down the victim’s confidence, making them dependent on the perpetrator.

Gaslighting can also be a way for the abuser to avoid responsibility for mistakes or actions, protect their ego and potentially avoid difficult conversations. Some gaslighters project their own behaviours onto victims.

Is gaslighting a criminal offence?

Whilst gaslighting is not a standalone crime by name, it can be prosecuted as a pattern of coercive behaviour under the Serious Crime Act 2015.

For gaslighting to reach the threshold of being a criminal offence in England and Wales, the following three criteria must be met:

• ‘Serious effect’ requirement: the behaviour must cause the victim to fear, on at least two occasions, that violence will be used against them, or the behaviour must cause the victim serious alarm or distress which has a substantial adverse effect on their day-to-day activities.
• ‘Personal connection’ rule: to be an offence under coercive control laws, the victim and perpetrator must be partners, ex-partners or family members.
• Intent: it must be proved that the abuser knew (or ought to have known) about the effect of their behaviour.

How do I know if I’m a victim of gaslighting?

Gaslighting is most common in a relationship between two partners. However, it can occur in any kind of relationship – between work colleagues, parents and friends. Parents can even gaslight their own children, causing devastating damage in familial relationships.

Five signs that you might be a victim of gaslighting include:

• You feel like you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, for example by having your thoughts and feelings trivialised
• You feel isolated from other relationships with friends or family, perhaps due to the gaslighter telling you they don’t like you
• You are always apologising for something, feel like the blame is being shifted onto you and that it’s only you making mistakes
• You’re compromising yourself, for example being told what you can wear, who you can talk to or simply what TV shows you watch
• You constantly feel unconfident, anxious or stressed, whether that’s around saying the wrong thing, being undermined or second-guessing reality

If you’re being gaslighted, you might feel like a different person, that everything you do is wrong or that you can’t trust anyone. You might also make excuses for their partner’s gaslighting behaviour.

Examples of gaslighting

Gaslighting can include trivialising your thoughts. For example, if you became upset at them staying out too late, they may blame you for being overly sensitive.

They could also deny events, such as with a ‘false memory’. Your partner may have promised to help you to clean the house at the weekend, but then flat-out deny it later on. This places the focus on your memory and mental clarity, rather than their broken promise.

Gaslighters can also divert discussions. For example, if you see them texting another person, they may turn events around and play the victim. The gaslighter may become offended at being interrogated and accuse you of spying, forcing you to apologise to them.

This final example is a common tactic to avoid accountability called ‘DARVO’ – Deny, Attack and Reverse Victim and Offender.

The abuser may turn events round to make it appear as though they are the victim instead and that your behaviour is unreasonable. Of course, the opposite is actually true.

For more detail, we’ve written an easy guide on how to recognise gaslighting and when it’s time to seek help.

How do I deal with gaslighting in a relationship?

People who gaslight others are often experts at ‘pushing the right buttons’. Gaslighting can be a studied and strategic form of emotional abuse, making it very hard to escape even when you have recognised it is happening.

In fact, even though gaslighting is a form of manipulation, it is not always intentional on the part of the perpetrator. However, where there is intent, a specialist family law solicitor can help you prove this and take steps to escape the situation.

They will be able to help you identify that gaslighting is happening, put support systems in place and initiate a criminal investigation where necessary.

Top-ranked family lawyers for victims of gaslighting and abusive behaviour

Behaviours like gaslighting can be complex and challenging to address. You need the experts on your side.

At Harrogate Family Law, we can help you and your family escape controlling behaviour and safeguard your mental and physical health.

Our highly-ranked team blends compassion with deep expertise. We practice solely in this area of law and routinely handle complex divorce and separation cases involving all types of abuse.

Founded in 2010, we’re recognised in Legal 500 as ‘an exceptionally strong team of experienced lawyers’ and ‘considerable force in family law’.

When you contact us, we’ll arrange an initial one-hour consultation where we’ll gain a deep understanding of your unique situation. We’ll then put together a roadmap for safeguarding you, guiding your next steps strategically and sensitively.

We’re clear, transparent and upfront about fees and can also help you explore ways to help you fund your legal costs.

Whatever you’re going through, you’re not alone. Our family law specialists will help you take the next step to a brighter future – contact us today.

📧 enquiries@harrogatefamilylaw.co.uk