Whether you’re divorcing a narcissistic spouse or considering taking the first step toward separation, it’s essential to focus on the positives when looking for a happier future. As you move forward with your life, you’ll realise that there are many lessons to be learned from life with a narcissist. 

You’ll learn some key life lessons, whether that’s a better understanding of what matters to you or knowing the warning signs to look out for

Prioritise yourself

Narcissists always prioritise themselves and always put their own needs and desires first. You’ll probably have become acutely aware of this during your relationship with a narcissistic spouse or partner, with your own needs being neglected or disregarded entirely.

When you’ve spent so much time and energy trying to do the right thing for your partner, thinking about yourself may not come naturally. However, now is the time to focus on what you need and want. Take time to be with those closest to you, make new connections and try new things.  

Don’t change yourself for others

No matter how much you try to please them, a narcissist will never be happy for long. There’ll always be something wrong. There’s a life lesson here: no matter how much you try to mould yourself to suit a narcissist, it won’t lead to the desired outcome.  

Instead, it’s time to embrace the real you.  Start by thinking about what you’d like to spend your free time doing, the people you want to spend your time with, and your own thoughts and opinions. That’s the freedom that comes when you take control and leave a narcissistic and emotionally abusive relationship. 


Boundaries are essential. They make it harder for you to be taken advantage of and easier to assert your agency as an individual. 

When you practice healthy boundaries, you build up your resistance to behavioural tactics such as gaslighting and manipulation, which may help you avoid narcissistic abuse in the future.

Trust your instincts

You might have felt as though something wasn’t quite right during your relationship. Perhaps you rationalised certain negative behaviours, made excuses for your spouse or partner, or even told yourself that your feelings and suspicions were wrong.  This isn’t uncommon, particularly when a narcissist does everything they can to make you feel like you’re being irrational and emotional.

It’s now time to get back in touch with your gut instincts and rebuild your life and your self-esteem. Life with a narcissist can help you recognise the validity of your thoughts and feelings and recognise red flags in any future relationships.  

If you’re thinking about divorce or need advice about separating from an emotionally abusive partner, we’re here to help. At Harrogate Family Law, we’re the experts in dealing with abusive and controlling partners, and we’ll always treat you with compassion and understanding.

Talk to us today to find out more.