Sharing your life with a narcissist is difficult at the best of times. Add all the excitement of Christmas into the mix, and you might find that a narcissist’s behaviour is especially on point.
With all of the attention focused on children, other family members and friends who are close to you, a narcissist may find it difficult to deal with the fact that the spotlight isn’t solely on them and them alone. Managing their behaviour and trying to maintain the peace can be a real drain on your energy.
Whether you’re separated from your narcissistic spouse or partner or still with them – the festive season can be tricky. That’s why we’ve put together a few top tips to help things run smoothly.
If you’re separated from a narcissist
If there’s one thing we can say for narcissists, they are at least predictable. So, if you’re separated from a narcissistic spouse partner, you can potentially predict and prepare for some of the behaviours you’ll potentially have to deal with.
Put your plans in place early
Chances are, the narcissist will try to make agreeing anything in principle as tricky as possible.
If you can, try to finalise your Christmas plans well in advance. If you can get agreements in writing, that’s even better, which is where having the support of a solicitor can help. As you may already know, narcissists can be skilled manipulators and often try to gaslight you into thinking you’re the one who has it all wrong.
Stick to the facts and leave emotion at the door
Whether you have a child arrangements order in place or not, a narcissist may well try to manipulate your emotions and weaponise your children in the run-up to the festivities—all to disrupt your life and get their way. Sometimes, it may not even be about them wanting to be with the children as much as it’s about getting ‘one up’ on you.
If this happens, do your best to avoid your emotions taking over—stick to the facts. Keep your communication practical and try not to add any fuel to their fire, no matter how frustrated you may be. Having a solicitor talk on your behalf is very effective and removes the need for you to be involved directly.
Model good behaviour to your children
Your patience may be tested beyond belief when dealing with a narcissist, but try not to sink to their level. You can’t control their behaviour, but you can control your response to the situation.
Aim to avoid talking negatively about your ex-spouse or partner to your children. At the very least, keep it neutral. Leave your negative thoughts and comments to your adult support system, away from your children’s ears, as much as possible.
You need to be a safe space for your children, especially about their thoughts and feelings. Feeding them a negative narrative may close off that channel of communication.
If you’re spending Christmas with a narcissist partner
Knowing that your attention will not be 100% focused on them at Christmas is quite anxiety-inducing to a narcissistic partner. As a result, you may see an increase in their narcissistic tendencies, which can be exhausting and ruin the festivities.
Remember that their actions are not a reflection of you
Regardless of what they may try to tell you or make you feel, remember that their behaviour and actions are not a reflection of you.
Don’t rise to their petty or childish behaviour, no matter how hard it may be. They’ll only thrive if you do.
Channel your feelings into thinking about the future
Rest assured that this isn’t what every Christmas has to look like. Channel your energy into thinking about your options and what you want your future to look like. If you’re heading into the New Year ready to take control of your situation, we’ll be here to provide the expert legal advice you need.
At Harrogate Family Law, we specialise in supporting our clients through narcissistic divorce and separations. We’ll be in your corner and with you every step of the way.
You can contact us for an obligation-free call to discuss your options.
