Divorcing a narcissist

Being married to a narcissist is merry-go-round of manipulation and double standards, so what is divorcing one like?  Arguably the same, if not worse than the marriage, initially at least.   However, with the right support by your side, you can come out of the other side feeling empowered and positive about the future.

In our experience we have found narcissists tend to behave in a certain way during a divorce, we have highlighted these below and offered help to combat them.

It is all your fault and they are the victim

Behaviour

Of course, everything is your fault.  The narcissist is the victim in this divorce, you have caused the breakdown of the relationship and they will make sure you know it.  Why would it be any different?  During your marriage everything was your fault too, right?

Solution

You will be used to the narcissist speaking to you in this way.  The best thing you can do, as difficult as it may be, is rise above it and stand up for yourself.  Surround yourself with a support framework of family and friends.  Aside from the narcissist’s behaviour you are going through a huge life change and you will need support through this.  If you are really struggling and everything is getting on top of you, you should speak to your GP.  You also need a lawyer who knows how to handle them so that they don’t continue to control you.

They will try and turn people and situations against you

Behaviour

As you are the monster in this situation, the narcissist will try and turn both people and situations against you.  They want to isolate you because it will make you more vulnerable to their manipulation.  They will tell anyone who will listen how you have destroyed the relationship or how you are trying to take everything from them.  They will do this very convincingly because they are, after all, master manipulators.

Solution

You need to remember you are not a monster, this is simply them trying to deflect the negativity on to you.  You are used to the narcissist trying to turn things around on you.  Your family and friends know the person you are and the situation you are in.  Have faith in people seeing the truth through any fabrication and if they don’t right now, they likely will when the narcissist shows their true colours to them in the future.

They will lie and try to hide things

Behaviour

They will lie and try to manipulate everything to suit them.  Whether that be about why your marriage has broken down, how many bank accounts they have or what they earn.

Solution

This is why you need to take independent specialist family law advice at the earliest opportunity.  Here at Harrogate Family Law we can ensure that you have a full understanding of the narcissist’s financial situation before agreeing to anything – putting you firmly back in control.

They are wildly unreasonable

Behaviour

Everything always has to be on their terms, just as it has done during the marriage.  This means negotiating with them is very difficult.  Narcissists do not like to give an inch and need to feel like they are in control and “winning”.

Solution

We are experts when it comes to negotiation, which is why most of our cases settle outside of the court process.  We understand that negotiating with a narcissist is different and adapt our skills and knowledge to help.

What can we do to help?

Here at Harrogate Family Law we have extensive experience of dealing with narcissists on divorce.  We understand the emotional impact dealing with the narcissist can have and we are here to support you through it.

An example:

We recently helped a wife who had a husband who was trying to destroy her.  He was a typical narcissist.  He said that the value of his main company was £0.  He said that he wouldn’t receive any income from that company or any of his other three businesses.

With our help, we established that the company was worth over £700,000 and that his come was around £500,000 per year net.  She is now happily rehoused, mortgage free and able to pay for everything she wants to.  Mostly importantly, she is free from him.

Our promise to you

  • We will help you take back control
  • We will help you uncover any hidden assets
  • We will help you reach a fair settlement
  • We will help you reach a conclusion so can move on with your life

To speak to one of our friendly solicitors for a confidential chat give us a call today on 01423 594680.

Laura Mounsey is a family lawyer with experience of working on cases involving properties, trusts, businesses and pensions.  Laura is a dedicated and talented lawyer who has been recognised with a “Safe Pair of Hands” Award.

Everyone’s circumstances are different and this article is provided by way of general information only and must not be relied upon.  If you require legal advice on a family law issue, please feel free to contact us by emailing enquiries@harrogatefamilylaw.co.uk.