Let’s set the scene; you’re in a loving relationship and planning your wedding. You’re looking forward to married life. But there’s an elephant in the room that you’re not looking forward to dealing with – the tricky issue of a prenuptial agreement.
The suggestion of entering into a prenuptial agreement is often met with awkwardness, and at times, contempt. But why? The answer’s simple. To discuss a prenup, you have to talk about divorce — and no one likes to do that. No-one goes into a marriage with divorce being at the forefront of their mind. The fact is, that a prenup makes that feel like a much bigger reality.
We’ve come up with a few tips that will help you and your partner navigate the discussion around a prenuptial agreement without the negativity.
It’s a two-way street
As with any tricky conversation, you’ll need to approach it diplomatically. If you open with a list of demands, the discussion is likely to be a non starter. Ideally, you want a reciprocated discussion that involves both parties. For example, instead of ‘We’re getting a prenup’, you could try ‘let’s talk about getting a prenup’. It’s much more likely to be met positively that way, because your partner will feel involved in the decision making process.
Effective communication is vital when it comes to discussing prenuptial agreements. Ask your partner questions. What are their objections? How do they feel about it? What can you do to reassure them? And then give them the appropriate time to respond. Don’t interrupt, and just listen to what they have to say.
But it’s not just about what you say. Fifty-one percent of the human brain is dedicated to visual referencing. How you appear to listen, with your body language, eye contact, and posture, counts very much.” It’s all about your attitude.
Don’t beat around the bush
There’s a difference between being diplomatic, and giving mixed messages. You need to be clear about what your reasons for suggesting the prenup are. What are your concerns? Why do you think it’s a sensible option? If you’re clear, your partner will have a much better understanding of the logic behind it. And hopefully, that understanding will lead to acceptance.
Try to stay level-headed
Talking about prenups isn’t easy. Your partner may get offended or upset. They may feel like you don’t trust them, or be disheartened by the fact you’re already considering an unhappy ending to your life together. But if you bite back with equal disdain or aggression, then will simply confirm their fears. If met with resistance, it’s important to remain calm, despite the emotional nature of the discussion.
Offer some reasoned logic
The ultimate aim is to help your partner understand why a prenup is a sensible idea. For example, you don’t buy insurance with the intention of getting into an accident or worse, but you feel better knowing you have that safety net. If you can get that across to your partner, it could really help them be more understanding of your decision.
Need some advice?
If you’re struggling with prenuptial negotiations and need some expert advice, contact Harrogate Family Law today. We’re here to give you the guidance you need to approach the trickier side of family life. Many people don’t even know where to start and that’s why we are here.