No matter how amicable your divorce or separation may be, most people feel a sense of loss after the dust has settled. When a relationship breaks down, it’s important that you give yourself the time and space needed to heal, and feelings of denial, fear and acceptance are all part of the journey.
Here we’re taking a look at some of the feelings you might experience, and how to navigate your way to a new and more positive future.
As with all kinds of loss, denial is a natural reaction when a relationship comes to an end – especially if it wasn’t your decision to part ways. This stage is all about trying to ‘undo’ the choice to separate, or making decisions to overcome the loss you feel. You may find yourself agreeing to things that you’ll later regret, or make promises you can’t keep in an attempt to win your partner back.
Denial is often experienced early on after a relationship breakdown, before the reality of the situation has hit home. It’s important that you allow yourself to feel, rather than running from your emotions because you’re afraid to face them. Ultimately, denial about the end of a relationship is all a part of the process, and you need to remember that it won’t last forever.
As reality starts to sink in, the fear of what might lie ahead can be overwhelming. You may feel as though you’ve lost control, and feel unclear about the direction in which your life is now heading. This can be especially true if you’ve been in the relationship for a long time, and have made plans for the future together with your spouse or partner.
These feelings are very common. Talk to your friends and family, and be honest about what it is that you’re afraid of. Once you know exactly what that is, you’ll probably find that you’ve got the basis for a more positive future. Ironically, fear can very often provide a sense of clarity.
If your ex chose to end your relationship, questioning your actions, words or wishing you had done things differently is a common reaction. These thoughts can be exhausting, and keeping perspective is vital.
Whilst it might sound like cliche, things happen for a reason – there’s no merit in focussing your energy on the things you can’t change.
It’s perfectly reasonable to feel a sense of anger, the key is learning how to channel this effectively. Instead of appointing blame and reliving past behaviours and failures, use that energy for something positive.
Explore new hobbies, do some exercise, or invest in talking therapy – whatever it takes to manage those negative feelings. Leaving them unchecked could lead to you becoming irritable, and impact the relationships you have with other people around you.
It might not feel like it now, but as the saying goes, ‘all things shall pass’. Life will eventually settle and you’ll find a way to enjoy and make the most of your new norm. Moving forwards always starts with acceptance that your life has changed, which frees up to focus on the future.
A holistic approach to legal advice
There’s no one size fits all when it comes to dealing with a divorce or separation. Everyone reacts and responds to situations differently, and it goes without saying that these stages might not be the same for each individual.
Having people around you to provide support is really important, and that includes a family solicitor in your corner to give you the expert legal advice and guidance that you need. Advice that not only helps you in the here and now, but that helps you to build a future too.
If you’re thinking about divorce or separation, put the family law experts in your corner. Contact Harrogate Family Law today to speak with a member of our friendly team