The Adult Substance Misuse Treatment Statistics 2022-2023 Report reported that nearly 300,000 adults in the UK were accessing some sort of addiction treatment service.
The challenges of addiction cannot be underestimated, both for the person going through it and for those around them. While some couples will be able to overcome these challenges together, for many, the strain it can put on the relationship is simply too much. The result for many is separation or divorce. Below, we explore just some of the reasons why.
Breakdown of trust
Addictions can be the cause of a colossal breakdown in trust. Secrecy, repeated lies and untrustworthy behaviour – all are synonymous with addiction and make maintaining healthy relationships extremely challenging.
For one client we worked with, her spouse’s addiction resulted in a toxic cycle that was both exhausting and emotionally draining; “I would constantly find hidden bottles of alcohol around the house. If I confronted him, he’d either try to convince me that I was imagining things or break down and vow to change. After a long time, I realised I could no longer help him. Something had to give.”
As well as the secrets and lies, those with an addiction may also start to exhibit destructive, even abusive behaviours; “It didn’t matter what the situation was, it was always my fault. He drank because I ‘nagged’ or ‘expected too much.’ I would be called a ‘psycho,’ and he would insult my physical appearance. It sent me to a very bad place.”
For the spouse or partner of someone with an addiction, the feelings of helplessness are incredibly distressing. Over time, trust is eroded, and finding a way back to each other becomes increasingly difficult.
Financial strain
Substance addictions and gambling addictions, in particular, can put a real financial strain on a marriage.
Despite the stereotypes we’re all familiar with, addiction can affect anyone at any time. It can also be difficult to spot, with many addicts still managing to maintain a good job and income and function every day. In short, they can ‘keep up appearances’ and remain ‘high-functioning.’ One client said, “I didn’t really understand what happened. One minute we had what looked like the perfect life. The next I found alcohol hidden around the house. My ex was spending a fortune, and I had no control over it.”
For others, things spiral out of control sooner rather than later. They may resort to drastic measures such as taking out loans or even stealing from their partner, family, or friends to fund their addiction, behaviours that only damage the trust that’s already in short supply.
Read more about how to spot the signs of financial infidelity and the impact this can have in one of our previous blogs.
Burnout
As the saying goes, addiction is rarely suffered alone. It takes its toll on spouses, partners, friends, and wider family.
After a while, compassion fatigue can kick in and quickly lead to burnout. It’s not an easy decision to leave a relationship because of addiction, but sometimes, there isn’t a choice; “I had to get out of the marriage. I was constantly walking on eggshells, worrying about what I’d find when the children and I came home. It took its toll both mentally and physically. In the end, I had to act. That’s when I contacted Harrogate Family Law to discuss my options. That one phone call changed my life.”
Each couple’s journey will be different – some may be able to stand together while one receives treatment and support, giving the other some respite. For others, this prolonged dependency is simply too much for too long.
For those supporting a partner with an addiction
There’s no doubt that this is a very tough place to be. But there is support out there. If this is something you’re dealing with, it’s vital to take care of yourself and seek the help you need when you need it. Whether speaking to a solicitor about your legal options, attending a support group, or leaning on your friends and family.
Perhaps most importantly, recognise your boundaries and be prepared to say when enough is enough.
Managing addiction in a relationship is extremely challenging. If you’ve reached a point where you need to explore your options, our Harrogate Family Law team will support you with a free, no-obligation consultation.
Please contact us now.
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