If you’ve separated or divorced this year, you may be worried about what the festive season will look like.
Whether you’re sharing time with the children with your ex-spouse or partner or preparing to spend Christmas without them for the first time, it’s important to remember that no two couples’ experiences will look the same – what works for some won’t work for others.
To help things run as smoothly as possible, here are a few suggestions from us about managing the child arrangements and enjoying the most wonderful time of the year.
Start planning as early as possible
You might have included Christmas child arrangements in your separation or divorce discussions – which is always a good idea. The sooner you can agree on the arrangements with your ex-partner, the less likely there’ll be conflict regarding the festive season.
This approach isn’t limited to Christmas time either. Any special occasion, school holiday or religious/cultural festival should be considered during negotiations so everyone knows where they stand.
Of course, even if a Child Arrangement Order is in place, plans and intentions can change, and conflict can arise. If this is the case, or you suspect that’s likely to happen, seeking legal advice early on is wise.
Managing expectations
Managing expectations is crucial for a smooth transition into your ‘new normal’ when children are involved.
Once you’ve agreed on the arrangements with your ex-partner, communicate your decisions to your children. That way, they’ll know what to expect and have time to get used to any plans they may not have put at the top of their Christmas list.
Discussing your plans with any extended family you spend a lot of time with is also a good idea. Grandparents, for example, may expect to see and spend time with the children at this time of year, so if that won’t happen, they should know sooner rather than later. This will also enable you to plan an alternative time for this to happen so that nobody misses out.
Managing expectations also applies to gift-giving. Have a conversation with your ex-spouse or partner to establish a plan. If you’re buying joint presents, you can discuss ideas of what the children might like. If you’re buying separately, consider setting a budget that can help keep things equal.
Put the children first
Divorce and separation can be tough on kids, no matter how amicable your situation – no child wants to spend their Christmas feeling like they have to choose between their parents.
It’s important to consider what will work, keeping your children’s best interests at the forefront of your mind:
- Will you and your ex spend part of Christmas day with your children (opening presents, for example)?
- Will you do a handover during the day or have separate days altogether?
- Are there any travel considerations you need to make? How can you make these as simple as possible for your children?
Starting the conversation about child arrangements at Christmas can be a real benefit. Not only will everyone know where they stand ahead of time, but you’ll also have the time to get used to a new way of doing things and start planning your new traditions.
If you need any support finalising these arrangements with your ex-spouse or partner, Harrogate Family Law is here to help. Contact us now for a no-obligation chat about your needs.
